Junk [voice] Mail

26 Apr

Tonight, I’d like to dissect a voicemail I just received from Evan, whom I met over a month ago at Moe’s and have not seen or talked to since.  This is the fifth voicemail he has left me without a response (not including the three voicemails my friends left me, pretending to be him).

VOICEMAIL #5:

“Hey what’s up, this is Evan.  I got a proposition for ya, or three propositions I guess.  First one being, I got tickets to the bulls tomorrow, if you’d like to go to the game.  I’ll pick you up around six.  Have you home by ten.  I’d be a good time.  Watch the bulls close out.  Or, if you don’t like sports, we could go get dinner like Thursday or Friday.  There’s a new restaurant that just opened by me and I’d like to check it out.  Or option three is, I guess, no option.  Where you just don’t do either option.  That is an option, but it’s not a good one.  So there you have it.  Give me a ring, or a text, or something.  Oh, and if you want to go to the game, you have to let me know either today or tomorrow by around lunchtime.  That’d be good.  Alright, bye.”

Here’s the running commentary in my head:

I’d like option four – the option where there is an option: deleting my number.

Have me home by ten?  That’s your top selling point for option #1? 

Evan, you live four blocks from me.  I know what restaurants are around and I am pretty sure the only recent new opening is a Qdoba. 

I don’t want to go on a date to Qdoba. 

I also don’t like sports or sports themed dates, which should have been clear when you called me and asked me to go bowling.  Did I respond?  No.  Try a new tactic if you’re going to keep calling.    

Also on the list of things I don’t want to do: laser tag.

Thanks for the deadline of tonight, or tomorrow.  Which one is it?  Tonight or tomorrow?  I’m really nervous I’m not going to respond in time.

I eat lunch around 1 p.m. –  do you think that’s too late?  Again, I’m really worried I’m not going to respond in time. 

In regards to time, 6 p.m. will never, ever work with my schedule.  Unless you’re on PST and I’m on EST and we are skyping.  Which is probably something you have already considered. 

OPTION THREE OPTION THREE OPTION THREE:  THE OPTION WHERE YOU JUST DON’T DO EITHER OPTION.

Alright, bye.

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