Sorry Marlie

18 May

Like always, just when things start getting good in my love life, it all falls down.  As expected, it’s off with Marlie.  And, of course, it’s all his fault.  It really is. I was perfect – really fun, not needy, unemotional (until the end) and always dressed up.  It’s been two days of being miserable.  And it’ll probably only be another two more before my mom sends another self help book in the mail.  Oh the joys.

Not that I can even get into everything that happened, but Marlie basically said he doesn’t want to get to know me any further because he doesn’t have the time to. “He really, really likes me and he doesn’t want to hurt me in the future when I’m starved for attention and he can’t give me the time I deserve.”  I’d like to think he is really putting me first, but when I like someone I have a tendency to believe absolutely anything they say.  It’s a bad character trait.  One that I am determined to write down, stick to my fridge and remember for my next mini-relationship.  In any event, he doesn’t want to date me. 

In the month I’ve known him, I’ve found out the following, which is all that is making me feel better right now (also, even in my sadness, I’d like you to note that I am not exaggerating):

–          He has one friend in Chicago, who he happens to also be related to.

–          He goes out 4x a year – tops.

–          He had no interest in talking to or meeting any of my friends, citing “opportunity cost” as the reason (he needed to ration his time and only had time to accommodate me, not my friends, in his life).

–          He typically works 10 a.m. until 11 p.m., with one short break a day to call me and ask me a bunch of weird questions, mostly related to what other guys I like.

–          He cooks 21 chicken breasts on Sunday nights in a crock pot and then rations them out for his meals for the entire week.  I’m not kidding, all he eats is chicken.  Chicken breasts.

–          Generally, he leaves his apartment twice a week, only to go to the gym or pretend to go to the gym.  I’m not sure he works out. 

–          He hates spray tanner, hairspray, perfume, makeup and high heels.  He also hates magazines with perfume inserts.  So basically he hates me. 

In another day or so I’m going to snap out of this and ask myself WHAT THE FUCK I WAS THINKING.  I mean honestly, am I that selfish that I have to date the wrong guy for me because they look good on paper?  I don’t know yet. 

In my despair, I’ve turned toward the sky to silently ask God why I can’t just find one guy who would absolutely give anything to be with me, why can’t just one guy choose me over anything else – especially a job?  But, I’m being pathetic.  It’s just not true.  So many of them have picked me, only to have me not pick them in return.   Maybe I’m still getting my dose of karma, or maybe the greater good is telling me that these relationships that I want to be in aren’t right for me, before I even have time to realize that fact for myself.  Either way, it’s time for something to go right and I know it’s going to happen for me soon, even if it’s not supposed to be with Marlie. 

I’m going to miss him and his dumb antics for a while, but eventually I’ll get over it.  And hopefully that will happen before Friday, when I’ve scheduled my next date.

 In the interim, feel free to send self help books and other tales of misery to my apartment.

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