Groundhog Day. Every day. In all Ways.

3 May

Randomly, a month or so ago, I was hanging out in my bed eating some form of chocolate bar, when I heard a knock at my door.  Immediately, I ran for the pepper spray, because, obviously, I don’t live in a walk up so you need to buzz into the building before you get to my actual door and Ru was off doing whatever he always does at night, of which I never know anything about, so I thought I was being robbed.

Upon timidly opening the door, I found a young boy at my doorstep.  After staring at him for five seconds wondering in my head if I was still going to get robbed, he quietly told me that if I subscribe to the Chicago Tribune that half of the money would go to his college tuition, or something.  And, write this fucking down, I am very charitable.  So I invited him in, gave him a lecture on college life like I’m some busted up 40-yr-old balding man reliving the only good days, and wrote him a check.

Now, I get the Chicago Tribune.  Which means my neighbors get the pleasure of looking at piled up papers in the hall, while I step over them every day to get into my apartment.  And I don’t pick them up because I’m clearly trying to prove a point to Ru, whose one chore at my place is to take out the trash.  And that includes the trash inside and outside of my apartment, slimedawg.  He asked me yesterday how he should know when to take out the trash? … ? … Like a little bird comes down from heaven and poops on his head as a sign to do it or something.

I can’t even… so I made him this to help him understand, which I’m giving to him tonight:


Anyway today, this story appeared in the paper, which I didn’t read in the paper delivered to my actual apt (my colleague had to tell me about it while at work):,0,5707368.column. I still haven’t read past the first sentence, because all I have been saying for the past week is exactly the first sentence.   And because I’ve already been to RPM and once I’ve been there I don’t feel like I need to read about it after the fact.  You only have so many minutes of life.

Anyway, it’s that “Groundhog Day” sort of feeling.  That’s the only way to explain everything.


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